Within Yourself, For Yourself and For Your Loved One.

Within Yourself…For Yourself…For Your Loved One

                  When we became aware that Mom’s cognitive, emotional and behavioral changes were being caused by the combination of Alzheimer’s Disease and Vascular dementia, we became hyper-focused on what we needed to do for her. Tasks like finding good medical care, help with domestic chores, or giving more assistance with finances all took center stage. We were unaware, however, of two other caregiving dimensions that would be equally as important:  what we needed to do within ourselves and for ourselves.

The Three Dimensions of Caregiver Well-Being

                  As a caregiver, without balancing what you do within yourself, for yourself and for your loved one living with dementia, you risk your own physical and mental health difficulties as well as possibly escalating tension, conflict and confusion in your relationship with your loved one. Although these identified dimensions frequently overlap, let’s examine each area individually.

                  Within Yourself speaks to the individual skills of identifying, understanding and managing your emotions. Sometimes referred to as emotional intelligence, well-being within comes with understanding the difference between feeling and thinking along with building cognitive-behavioral tools of realistic thinking, mindfulness, acceptance, controlled breathing, maintaining healthy self-esteem, and recognizing the impact of your past relationship with your loved one on your caregiving role. Learning within yourself to make sense of the suffering your loved one experiences and how to keep sight of her dignity as a human person also falls into this dimension.

                  For Yourself refers to the caring for yourself choices that lead to healthy habits, personally meaningful activities, time management, effective communication, etc. Consistent sleep and eating patterns, regular exercise, hobbies, spending time with friends, learning about dementia, joining caregiving support groups, and obtaining in-home or facility-based caregiving assistance are all examples of actions you can take to help manage stress and increase balance in your care partner role.

                  For Your Loved One encompasses the steps you take to problem-solve your loved one’s difficulties as she experiences the cognitive, behavioral and emotional declines that come with brain disease. Such problem-solving will involve areas such as helping your loved one obtain a diagnosis and ongoing health care, addressing financial and estate planning issues, and connecting to dementia and support services. Problem-solving also occurs in moments of interaction with your loved one who has asked you the same question for the 5th time in 10 minutes or insists that a group of children are living in the kitchen. How you gently enter your loved one’s reality instead of trying to force her into yours can significantly contribute to the well-being of both of you.

                  Whether you have been in a care partner role for years or are new to caring for someone with dementia, your path to growth in well-being and mastery of stress will be influenced by how well you balance what you do within yourself, for yourself, and for your loved one. Reach out to balance-building dementia care services in your local area or online (e.g., through the Alzheimer’s Association), join a caregiver support group, or educate yourself through resources like A Caregiver’s Well-Being: How to Master Stress and Find Balance While Caring for Loved Ones with Dementia. Know that you are not alone on the journey of caregiving and hope can be found…Within Yourself…For Yourself…and For Your Loved One.